Maid of Honor - Avery ParsonsWelcome to the most elaborate prank ever pulled. You didn't really think these two got married, did you? After all this time? Ha! I'm kidding! But seriously, these two. Did you guys need a map to the altar? I know, I know, I'm supposed to give the sweet speech, and leave the funny one to the Best Man, but, that's not how I roll. Welcome to the Roast of Madalynne Alvarez!
She's blushing right now and giving me that look, right? I'm not turning around to look. Kidding again. So if you think I'm about to spill all her secrets, you're sadly mistaken, and she knows it. I do, however, have a microphone in my hand, which is always a mistake. Still kidding. Here's the thing. I've known Maddie since the day I was born. She's been like a sister to me my entire life, my voice of reason, the shoulder I've cried on, and I don't think I can really explain how happy it makes me to see her here today, sitting next to this man - this absolute pain in my ass - and know that she's finally getting everything she ever wanted. Some famous person once said “The road of life twists and turns and no two directions are ever the same. Yet our lessons come from the journey not the destination.” And I think it’s safe to say that you've both had quite the journey so far. I know that neither of you would change the path that you have chosen, because even with all the stumbles and falls, it brought you here. It crazy obvious how truly and honestly you two love each other and I’m thrilled to be a part of your lives. Congratulations on your beautiful marriage and before I ramble any more, let’s raise our glasses and toast the lovely couple – Maddie and Sebastian, I hope that your road continues on forever and your party never ends. Cheers! |
Luke Bass - Best ManI’ll cut right to it. I thought you had blown it for good, but thank Kobe some of my charm must have rubbed off on you throughout the years.
Sometimes I think I know you as well as I know myself. Which is why I could have saved us all a lot of time if you would’ve just listened to me. I knew you’d end up marrying this girl years ago, asshole. Since Avery kind of stole my thunder with the funny thing.. I thought I’d do what I’m second best at. Being sweet and charming as hell. Maddi, you know that I tend to take credit for everything you do but I’m not going to do that today. As much as I would love to take credit for the man sitting next to you, I can’t. You’re the only one who can save him from himself. You are the reason he wants to be better. You’ve always been his reason for everything. You helped shape the asshole I first fell in love with into the man I’m thankful my daughter can call an uncle. |